Calling all mums, dads and those playing the equivalent role! I am seeking some advice, stories and opinions!
My nephew is 7 years old. He will be 8 in October. He wets the bed still. My nephews parents are separated. He spends 40% with dad and 60% with mum. At mums house she has a pull up for him and reduces the amount he drinks of an evening ensuring he uses the toilet before bed.
At dads, he believes he doesn’t need a pull up and should be waking for the toilet. Not certain on regime with drinks in the evening.
My nephew returned from dads house yesterday and the first thing on seeing mum he did was cry. He said dad got upset - his words exactly “dad got upset, yelled and swore because I wet the bed again” “I am too scare to fall asleep at dads incase I don’t wake up and I wet the bed”. Mum then text dad stating that it’s an actual problem and he can’t help wetting the bed, of course he doesn’t want to so if he comes back from dads again and says words to the affect as about (keeping it short) that Mum will have no choice but to stop him going to dads until it’s sorted. Mum is as any parent over protective as dad is but it’s hard hearing your child/nephew cry and be so upset and Mum feels she has hit a brick wall with dad.
She has explained to dad that they have attempted many times to stop the night pull ups and try to wake for toilet use to know avail. She explained its clearly a medical problem. Mum does have an appointment with a physiotherapist for a bed wetting alarm and further investigation however the list is long and she has been waiting months. The GP advised mum this was normal until age ten?!!
Dad has responded stating that it’s child abuse that Mum is neglecting care and putting him in a pull up and letting him “piss the bed”.
Mum has a family history of weak bladders and dad is aware of this. Sometimes if my nephew laughs too hard he will actually wet his pants. Mum was a bet wetter until 12yrs old.
My question is, what are people’s thoughts? Obviously there is always two sides to a story and this has been very shortened. My advice to my sister is to contact child services, explain the circumstances, child crying profusely before visits with dad (only ever because he is worried about bed wetting). See if children’s services can meet with Mum, and nephew. Talk to nephew about how he feels regarding this and then have the service meet with dad and my nephew and see how thy could help by supporting dad in understanding the problem.
The reason I have suggested this agency rather then say a mediator or the community nurses that specialise in bed wetting is because I am genuinely worried about the way he is made to feel and treated after a bed wetting accident. He is actually starting to what I believe develop anxiety regarding fluid intake.
According to my nephew he says he will be so thirsty at dads house but he knows if he drinks then he may wee. He has said things like “please mum, don’t make me go there, dad gets so mad and I am scared” “dad won’t let me play with my toys on the days I wet”. He has even told my sister he has used his bath towel to dry the wee at dads without dad knowing and then used it after a shower.
In my opinion dad has little insight into the fact this is very very common and normal.
Dad and mum have such a toxic relationship that all communication is venom and they strictly follow the court orders to prevent daily arguments. The toxicity level is extreme to the point of, at dads house he has a different school bag, lunch box and school clothes and shoes! It’s so sad and brutal but this is how my little nephew lives his life as both parents just can’t be civil.
I feel my nephews feelings are paramount and something has to change and soon!
As a parent or Aunty/uncle.... what advice would you give?! Please help!!