Advice needed on children's relationship with my new partner :)


Advice needed on children's relationship with my new partner :)

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vivi82
vivi82
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I will try to keep this short... My ex husband and I separated in 2015 and we are in very good terms, no court orders, nothing nasty. We share custody of our two daughters, however they are with me most of the time as he works away a lot. A while after my separation I found a new partner who is 6 years older than me (he is 41) and had long relationships before, but never married and never had kids. I waited several months before I introduced my daughters (who will soon be 4 and 6 years old) to him and that worked out really well. After about 1 and a half years together, he decided to build a house and asked me and the girls if we wanted to move in with him. We were getting along really well, girls adored him and I thought it was a great idea. While his house was getting built, his rental lease at another property ended and moved in with us for a few months. We thought it could be a good trial before doing the big step and move in the new house all together. There were a few hiccups, but nothing really major. In December 2017, the big move happened and since then, there has been quite a bit of tension. I have to say, my girls can be a little loud at times, they laugh, they play, they are clumsy, but are not the type of kids that break things on purpose, they don’t trash the house or the furniture, they don’t paint on walls, they don’t act out in public and I get compliments on how well behaved they are when we are out and about. I am not the strictest parent and probably have to work on it more, but I am proud of who they are becoming and as I said, they have a good heart and are not disrespectful. My partner, as I mentioned, doesn’t have children on his own, but has been very selfless sharing his place with us and does spend some time with the girls (we watch them going on the bikes, swim in the pool with them, go out for activities, etc.). So far so good… but he takes kids behaviour sometimes a little too personal. For example, the girls were playing in the media room dancing around and they stepped on a DVD sleeve cover of a movie my partner loves and bent it. My partner decided it would be good to ban the kids from the media room. To me that’s a little harsh, I believe in explaining them to be more careful with other people's belongings and why (it is just a DVD cover for goodness sake) –  but also, if something is valuable to you, then maybe don’t leave it in the middle of the room when children are in the house. We managed to reach a compromise, but it took a while for me to get my point across (and was very upset, to the point I was not feeling welcome in the house anymore). There are a lot of little things that annoy him, such as having his shirt lightly tugged when kids are calling for attention (Doesn’t happen often and if I see it, I normally tell them not to do it), kids that talk too much when he is a little tired (hard to guess when is a good time sometimes) or some toys scattered in another room other than the designated places, e.g. a doll in the media room (but on the other hand, he is incredibly messy!!). He wants to discipline, but complains that they don’t listen to him while I think that they still need to adjust to a big change and that he should ‘connect before correct’. If he tells the kids not to do something, I support him, but I find it hard something because I think he is overreacting as they are so young and his expectations are pretty high. Unfortunately, there was no way of me to know this would happen before moving in as when we lived at my place, it all went smoothly. I'd like to work on it as he and I are a great fit, get along well and have lots of fun - but I am happy to give it all up and move out if this is not right as my kids come first. I am finding it hard to understand if I am being unreasonable and too lenient towards my children or these are things everyone should expect in a household with young kids (and he is possibly not ready to share a household with kids).

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