uncooperative 8 y/o


uncooperative 8 y/o

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rubymorris
rubymorris
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I just want to start off by making it clear that I am a nanny and not a parent.
With that out of the way, I have been nannying for an 8-year-old girl for 2 years now, let's call her 'Sally'. She's always been very unwilling to do her homework and her parents are well aware of this. Whenever we begin homework time, I explicitly tell her exactly what we will be completing today and in what order. 
As an example, yesterday I said it was time to do homework, I said we will be doing spelling, following by writing, following by writing a speech that is due next week. I made sure that she listened and heard what I said and asked her to repeat the plan to me.
Something that should take no more than an hour and a half (compensating for the speech writing) turned into a 3 hour tantrum where she refused to do anything. She said that she wanted to be left alone to do the spelling and writing, so I did, after 45 minutes I went to check her progress, she had written 5 words. I said I was going to sit with her now and help her complete it so that we could get on to the speech writing. She then said she wasn't told she had to do the speech and that I never told her - she does that all the time and I can't work out whether she is simply lying or if she actually does not pay attention (I think it's a combination of both). She asked to be left alone again and I said no because she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing for the past 45 minutes, so therefore I have to sit and supervise her. I am perfectly fine with giving her the independence to do her homework alone if she wants to, but when she spends the entire time not doing it and playing, she will lose that privilege. She then ran to her room and refused to come out for 2 hours and when I tried to talk her out or calm her down she would just make up excuses as to why she is upset and say she isn't upset because of homework when clearly, she is. I don't give in to this behaviour because I think it will just reinforce that she isn't responsible for her own actions and reinforces homework tantrums. 
This is just one example, but there is something like this almost every week. 
I also want to point out that her schedule is very busy, all up she has about 9 and a half free hours after school from Monday-Thursday between when she get home and bedtime, inclusive of dinner and bath time. I know that 9 hours sounds like a lot but we spend all of that time (excluding 45 minutes a day for bath/dinner) on homework. My sister is a primary school teacher and I have shown her the amount and content of homework that Sally has and my sister says that that amount should not be taking her more than 2 hours a week. 
I have tried my best to implement a schedule for her and stick to it, but the problem is that no matter what I try, she will not actually sit down and do it. She will get up every 2 minutes to dance in front of the mirror, get a drink, toilet, play with the dog, daydream etc. 
She also has this habit of talking back to me. For example, yesterday she said I never told her she had to do her speech as well even though she repeated the schedule to me, I told her that I did because she said x, y, z, and then she will continue arguing. At that point, I will say that this is not a discussion and end it there but she will just keep going until I react - I know that this is all an excuse so she can continue to avoid doing homework. 
I also want to make note that she doesn't behave this way when her parents are around, only when its just the two of us, so there must be something I'm doing that's making her think this behaviour is ok. 
I love and adore Sally and we have a great relationship, but I struggle with this immensely and hate having an upset child on my hands.
Does anyone have any strategies to help here? 
skatergirl08
skatergirl08
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rubymorris - 17/11/2017
I just want to start off by making it clear that I am a nanny and not a parent.
With that out of the way, I have been nannying for an 8-year-old girl for 2 years now, let's call her 'Sally'. She's always been very unwilling to do her homework and her parents are well aware of this. Whenever we begin homework time, I explicitly tell her exactly what we will be completing today and in what order. 
As an example, yesterday I said it was time to do homework, I said we will be doing spelling, following by writing, following by writing a speech that is due next week. I made sure that she listened and heard what I said and asked her to repeat the plan to me.
Something that should take no more than an hour and a half (compensating for the speech writing) turned into a 3 hour tantrum where she refused to do anything. She said that she wanted to be left alone to do the spelling and writing, so I did, after 45 minutes I went to check her progress, she had written 5 words. I said I was going to sit with her now and help her complete it so that we could get on to the speech writing. She then said she wasn't told she had to do the speech and that I never told her - she does that all the time and I can't work out whether she is simply lying or if she actually does not pay attention (I think it's a combination of both). She asked to be left alone again and I said no because she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing for the past 45 minutes, so therefore I have to sit and supervise her. I am perfectly fine with giving her the independence to do her homework alone if she wants to, but when she spends the entire time not doing it and playing, she will lose that privilege. She then ran to her room and refused to come out for 2 hours and when I tried to talk her out or calm her down she would just make up excuses as to why she is upset and say she isn't upset because of homework when clearly, she is. I don't give in to this behaviour because I think it will just reinforce that she isn't responsible for her own actions and reinforces homework tantrums. 
This is just one example, but there is something like this almost every week. 
I also want to point out that her schedule is very busy, all up she has about 9 and a half free hours after school from Monday-Thursday between when she get home and bedtime, inclusive of dinner and bath time. I know that 9 hours sounds like a lot but we spend all of that time (excluding 45 minutes a day for bath/dinner) on homework. My sister is a primary school teacher and I have shown her the amount and content of homework that Sally has and my sister says that that amount should not be taking her more than 2 hours a week. 
I have tried my best to implement a schedule for her and stick to it, but the problem is that no matter what I try, she will not actually sit down and do it. She will get up every 2 minutes to dance in front of the mirror, get a drink, toilet, play with the dog, daydream etc. 
She also has this habit of talking back to me. For example, yesterday she said I never told her she had to do her speech as well even though she repeated the schedule to me, I told her that I did because she said x, y, z, and then she will continue arguing. At that point, I will say that this is not a discussion and end it there but she will just keep going until I react - I know that this is all an excuse so she can continue to avoid doing homework. 
I also want to make note that she doesn't behave this way when her parents are around, only when its just the two of us, so there must be something I'm doing that's making her think this behaviour is ok. 
I love and adore Sally and we have a great relationship, but I struggle with this immensely and hate having an upset child on my hands.
Does anyone have any strategies to help here? 

Hi rubymorries,

I would have a look at a "What do we do today chart "  if you can not buy one make one yourself "EASY "
Its a routine chart for the day. Sometimes Children who are very active like to know what comes next.
Uses little visuals that you can stick on the chart...Example "writing " spelling and so on.
You can stick them on using glue tack easy off and on when the Child has completed the task.
Also have a reward card next to it, as the task's are completed you can give her a reward card. 
She can stick that on the board and watch it grow. Sometimes when we spoil children they tend to 
play up when you expect them to do home work. Have you spoken to the parents ?
about her behaviour? After 2 years of spending time with her you should be able to 
work out some sort of system and knowing how she acts and so on. 
Every child is different...setting goals each day and sticking to them (strick) makes a difference .
Sounds like she 's running rings around you !!.....You will have to change the way you ask her 
to complete the tasks ...make the school work fun! and don't expect a eight year old to sit for 1hr or so 
doing the work ,,, try 15 mins brackets with a game in between ...then slowly withdraw the game 
and make the school work FUN, FUN ,FUN,.
If you can study and research of children who are very active and some positive thinking to turn around the on going battle you 
seem to be up against. You are only the nanny !!!!! have a chat to the parents and get feedback of how they seem to cope with the child in question.
If they do not have problems of her doing things they ask ,following instructions ,then she is playing games with you and you need to 
pick up your act . Not being rude here but that is the fact. Be firm, research feedback from the parents and go from there!
All the best hope it gets better or find a new job!
Kind Regards Skatergirl08.

 MOTHERS VOICES ARE THE BEST TOOLS 
 TOWARDS CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ,
HAPPY AUTISTIC  CHILDREN GROWN INTO CONFIDENT ADULTS 

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