Child not listening and following instructions at school and at home


Child not listening and following instructions at school and at home

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ipswichmum
ipswichmum
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I hope someone can give us some advice.  Our 5 year old child is not listening and following instructions at school at home as well.  Have talked to our child's teacher and we have both drawn up behaviour charts at school and at home and we're both not having much success, but we are still persisting.  Academically our child is doing very well and has gone up five reading levels - now on level 12, as well as having a high comprehension levels.  We have also have our child on waiting lists for public and private paediatricians.  My husband today has advised me after talking to our child's teacher, that our child has been bullying other children and we have told the teacher that our child has been bullied/ignored by other children, in which I have witnessed other children ignoring our child after our child has tried to be polite and say hello to them.  Our child has had three detentions this year so far for not listening and following instructions in class. One detention was for yesterday at 2nd lunch and our child didn't attend, which I found out yesterday upon collecting our child from school.  Our child will be having detention at 2nd lunch today.  The Guidance Officer apparently will be contacting us next week to hopefully help us with our situation with our child.  I am currently trying to get over a head cold which has gone on for two weeks now and we don't have any family help.  When we have tried to ask for help we get one or two answers - "You can work this out for yourselves" or "We can't advise you anything as you can't do that anymore to kids".  My husband has a very stressful job as a Warehouse Administrator/Manager and has had six staff left his work in the last month.  He has been consumed with hiring more staff and management above him expect him to do more.  Normally my husband is very supportive and I ring him at work for help, but lately I feel he is not as supportive as he usually is.  I don't have a lot of friends, but they all work and my best friend is having a lot of problems with her family at the moment and we're not getting as much time together to support each other, as well as our kids having playdates (they are best friends).  My other closest friend has two daughters and is a stay at home mum.  Her husband works away quite a bit and we only get to see each other on school holidays with play dates and or movie dates with our kids.  I promised my husband that I would start looking for work, but I am feeling stressed and very tired with our child's behaviour.  Have told my husband last night that I won't be looking for work until we get our child's behaviour under control.  I would welcome any suggestions that could help us with our child's behaviour.  My husband and I have both done positive parenting classes ages ago.  Last term I managed to go one session of free positive parenting class at our child's school and met the Guidance Officer briefly.  
skatergirl08
skatergirl08
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ipswichmum - 03/11/2017
I hope someone can give us some advice.  Our 5 year old child is not listening and following instructions at school at home as well.  Have talked to our child's teacher and we have both drawn up behaviour charts at school and at home and we're both not having much success, but we are still persisting.  Academically our child is doing very well and has gone up five reading levels - now on level 12, as well as having a high comprehension levels.  We have also have our child on waiting lists for public and private paediatricians.  My husband today has advised me after talking to our child's teacher, that our child has been bullying other children and we have told the teacher that our child has been bullied/ignored by other children, in which I have witnessed other children ignoring our child after our child has tried to be polite and say hello to them.  Our child has had three detentions this year so far for not listening and following instructions in class. One detention was for yesterday at 2nd lunch and our child didn't attend, which I found out yesterday upon collecting our child from school.  Our child will be having detention at 2nd lunch today.  The Guidance Officer apparently will be contacting us next week to hopefully help us with our situation with our child.  I am currently trying to get over a head cold which has gone on for two weeks now and we don't have any family help.  When we have tried to ask for help we get one or two answers - "You can work this out for yourselves" or "We can't advise you anything as you can't do that anymore to kids".  My husband has a very stressful job as a Warehouse Administrator/Manager and has had six staff left his work in the last month.  He has been consumed with hiring more staff and management above him expect him to do more.  Normally my husband is very supportive and I ring him at work for help, but lately I feel he is not as supportive as he usually is.  I don't have a lot of friends, but they all work and my best friend is having a lot of problems with her family at the moment and we're not getting as much time together to support each other, as well as our kids having playdates (they are best friends).  My other closest friend has two daughters and is a stay at home mum.  Her husband works away quite a bit and we only get to see each other on school holidays with play dates and or movie dates with our kids.  I promised my husband that I would start looking for work, but I am feeling stressed and very tired with our child's behaviour.  Have told my husband last night that I won't be looking for work until we get our child's behaviour under control.  I would welcome any suggestions that could help us with our child's behaviour.  My husband and I have both done positive parenting classes ages ago.  Last term I managed to go one session of free positive parenting class at our child's school and met the Guidance Officer briefly.  

Hipswichmum,

Have tried making up social stories ? There are social stories from "Social Sam " you can print the childs 
name in the story , read them out to him before bed, before school of what you as parents and the teacher expect 
of him about his behaviour . You can also google on line ,read about the social stories write up ( Speech,OT use
them when needed) they can also be used for Children with issues about certain behaviour. 
You can also write up your own. Easy !! write a story about a boy who is five years old ,going to School and so on. Then ask 
the questions about the boy and what how should and should behave. Sometimes parents have trouble getting through
to the Child and ...detention is not the answer! Makes it worse !. 

Go back to the start and start with the social stories ,
Reward good behaviour (something he likes to do  example games ,park)
if the behaviour issues not the best explain to him that he needs to work towards a better day tomorrow 
NO REWARDS .
Have a Diary and take notes of input from the teacher regarding his off days (you might see a pattern forming 
and keep an eye on going on  during school drop off and pick up .
If he has had a bad day at school , sit down and have a chat together of how his day has been , do not 
bring up what the teacher has spoken to you about. See what he tells . 
If the behaviour does not settle down then you will have to be really strict and set down some rules (written )
on a huge cardboard have it in eye view some where in the house so he can see it without you saying 
all the time about it,(does work) i have tried many times with my Son. 
Have you any other Children or is your Son the only Child? If he is these Children take time to calm down 
they want all the attention to themselves and when they start School they find it harder to mix in with others 
and use their social skills ,Children who have few brothers or sisters cope better with School social so on.
Do be angry and upset with the Child ,just be firm and strict guidelines you would like the Child be beware of.
I had to do that with my Son (now he is aware and working towards the better). It take time and every child 
is different. You will go back to work soon once you start over again and work through it. If needed seek 
advice from a expert in Child Psych  who will give you the tools to handle his behaviour . Do that now and 
you will be able to cope when he gets in his teens later on. Look outside the School system and then 
make a plan of action ....Good luck and its not as bad as you think it is .... be more firm with the Child 
setting strict guidelines will help. All the best. 


Kind Regards (Mother of One ) skatergirl08

 MOTHERS VOICES ARE THE BEST TOOLS 
 TOWARDS CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ,
HAPPY AUTISTIC  CHILDREN GROWN INTO CONFIDENT ADULTS 

skatergirl08
skatergirl08
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Hi ipswichmum ,
i meant when i said... do be angry (i meant don't be angry ) i didn't check before sending ...sorry 
regards Skatergirl08.

 MOTHERS VOICES ARE THE BEST TOOLS 
 TOWARDS CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ,
HAPPY AUTISTIC  CHILDREN GROWN INTO CONFIDENT ADULTS 

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