ASD behaviour only in one place?


ASD behaviour only in one place?

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serrins_k
serrins_k
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My stepson has being diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. He spends every second week at each parent's house, transitioning on the weekends.

When he is with us, I see no ASD type behaviour. He was difficult when I first moved in but over time his behaviour has improved and his behaviour is now consistently normal. He is very affectionate, always seems pretty happy, does every single thing we ask of him, and goes to sports with his dad several times a week. His behaviour at school has also improved significantly in the past two years after his dad spent some time in the classroom.

However at his mother's house, he is a nightmare. She has to drag him out of bed or to the toilet, he frequently has meltdowns, he refuses to do what he is asked, and he has even taken a knife and threatened her.

She says that choosing one place to let it all go is typical of ASD, and I am interested to know if others have this experience as well, where a child is basically normal at home and school but terrible at the other home? I have looked for some advice from NDIS etc but not sure where I would get an answer to a specific question like this.

His behaviour at school was previously terrible as well, he would kick and punch teachers and other kids, but he hasn't done any of this in about a year now, since his dad started spending more time with him and taking him to sport and things.

I am concerned we are pushing him too hard at home or he is not able to be himself with us and so his mum is copping the fallout?

Any experience from others would really help me understand how to solve this and help her out, it must be awful for her.



grace76
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serrins_k - 08/05/2017
My stepson has being diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. He spends every second week at each parent's house, transitioning on the weekends.

When he is with us, I see no ASD type behaviour. He was difficult when I first moved in but over time his behaviour has improved and his behaviour is now consistently normal. He is very affectionate, always seems pretty happy, does every single thing we ask of him, and goes to sports with his dad several times a week. His behaviour at school has also improved significantly in the past two years after his dad spent some time in the classroom.

However at his mother's house, he is a nightmare. She has to drag him out of bed or to the toilet, he frequently has meltdowns, he refuses to do what he is asked, and he has even taken a knife and threatened her.

She says that choosing one place to let it all go is typical of ASD, and I am interested to know if others have this experience as well, where a child is basically normal at home and school but terrible at the other home? I have looked for some advice from NDIS etc but not sure where I would get an answer to a specific question like this.

His behaviour at school was previously terrible as well, he would kick and punch teachers and other kids, but he hasn't done any of this in about a year now, since his dad started spending more time with him and taking him to sport and things.

I am concerned we are pushing him too hard at home or he is not able to be himself with us and so his mum is copping the fallout?

Any experience from others would really help me understand how to solve this and help her out, it must be awful for her.



Hello,

I don't have the same situation as yours but your sons behaviour depends on his training. They need to have a routine every day, from the time they wake up to whatever they do during the day and up to the time they go to bed.

ASD kids love routines. Even the mild cases, they love it. 

And please remember, there is NO CURE for ASD. They get better if you train them properly or according to what you think is right for them. You have to train them what is right and wrong in every thing that they do and in every situation too. They can only see black and white, not in between. It is either a "Yes" or a "No" to them.

If you train them properly, they will improve as time goes by. They will improve in the way they behave towards people around them like the family members and also towards strangers. That also includes the way they behave in school.

In your step son's case, you must be doing the right thing. But when he goes back to his mother, maybe she is not doing it right!  

Think of what you do to him when he is in your place from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. Then ask his mom what does she do to him  from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. Then compare the two and see what's the difference.

There has to be a difference between how you deal with him in your place and how his mom deals with him in her place.

Then, you can try and tell her what to do as an experiment and see what happens. She has to try whatever you are doing right for her own sake.

How old is your step son,BTW? And what is his main problem in his disability?

My son's problem is mainly academic and social behaviour. He is much better at the social behaviour now but we still have to teach him things every now and then. Academically, he cannot do things on his own most of the time. He needs help a lot with his school work and the school provides him teacher- aide in the subjects that is very difficult for him to understand. I had to ask the school to do this. And I have to keep reminding them every now and then. My son is now 15 yrs old and he is going in a mainstream high school.

Just remember that ASD kids love routine. If you follow their routine everyday, they are alright. If they are well trained enough, a slight change is acceptable with their routine. 

I hope this message helps.



GO


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