The state school system is failing my son

The state school system is failing my son

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Hi all,
This is my first attempt at trying to get help via other parentswho may have experienced similar struggles...any help would be gratefully received!
I have two children on the spectrum. My daughter has more classic symptoms of Aspergers and although she struggles socially and academically, she is doing ok. However my son is far more complex and we are struggling to get the educational support we need.
My son is nearly 9 and has been diagnosed with Pathological Demand Avoidance with Dyslexia and aspects of ADD. It took a good while to get to this point, and it was only really our comments to specialists regarding the level of manipulative strategies our son uses that finally lead us to PAD...the information about PAD matched his behaviour completely.
Our son recently started his 3rd school in a 2 year period and we are finding the same BS at each school. We understand that state funding is miniscule but the level of support he recieves is almost non existent and he is frequently in trouble for calling out for assistance or refusing to attempt work he doesn't understand...the reason we have tried different school's is because their approach to date has been to isolate him from other children, actually remove him from the learning hub.  He doesnt seem to mind this as it eases his anxiety but obviously we have not been impressed.
We have pushed hard at each school and attended many many 'conferences' with teachers, Heads, guidance councillors, special ed reps, psychologists etc but feel that we have smply been fobbed off with a string of buzz words and no real quantative plan regarding how they hope to educate our son. We have done everything recommended and have spent thousands on paediatricians, iq testing, audiology, eye tests, child psychology etc...we even arranged for our paediatrician to come to the school; of all those invited, only a junior member of the special ed turned up!  We recently also paid for the services of a sort of advocate with experience in ASD who did help us, but we really can't afford to use her services to keep going to the school to ensure they are using the funding provided for our son for our son.
Our son repeated prep, and at this time experiences difficulty reciting the alphabet and even struggles with colours. His reading and writing is abysmal but his school reports always suggest that he is doing much better than he is....more BS as far as I'm concerned.
I'm sorry that this is so long, and I suppose so cynical but we are at our wits end.  I would love to hear from any parents out there who have experienced similar and found a way through.

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