Dealing with bratty behaviour


Dealing with bratty behaviour

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rubymorris
rubymorris
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Hi parents! 
First, I just want to make it clear that I am a nanny and not a parent, I just wanted to get some parents advice on what to do!
I've been working for this family for almost a year and they are absolutely wonderful in every way, I adore them! However, I have some concerns about their 8 year-old daughter. It wasn't always so bad but lately, has begun to take a toll on my stress levels.
Basically, the parents are very busy people with highly demanding careers which leaves little time to spend with their children, they really only get to hang out with their parents on the weekends.
The problem with the 8 year-old, let's call her "May", is that she never hears the word "no" and cannot stand when she doesn't get her way. Just yesterday, she had a tantrum and would not speak to me or her friend for 30 minutes simply because I told her she had to wear socks with her sneakers. Then, later in the day she had a mini break down because she was losing in a game which required the players to "kill off" the other players, and proclaimed "every one hates me, why does every one keep targeting me?" I explained that this was the aim of the game and part of it was to fight back so as not to die, she then ran off yelling and crying. When May gets to that point there is simply nothing you can say or do which will change her state of mind, she just has to cry it out.

Another example of her behaviour is when a friend is telling her about something new they got on the weekend, and she will run to her room and proclaim that she never wants to speak to that friend ever again (May is not, by any means, deprived of any luxuries or new toys/items). She just can't seem to stand it when someone has something that she doesn't have. 

Further, May doesn't hear the word "no", you can tell her no one hundred times and she will persist with demands until she either gets her way or I have to put my foot down on the back talking, at which point she will run to her room in tears because she can't have a chocolate before dinner, instead of after.

I really do adore May, she is a very thoughtful and sweet child, it is just when she gets into this state of "my way or the highway", I find it very difficult to deal with and I am actually not sure if her parents are fully aware of this behaviour. I understand that she misses her parents and doesn't get to see them all the time, and I always do my best to comfort her in times of sadness when she misses them, but there are times when she uses it as an excuse to try and get out of things like doing her homework, having a bath etc. 
I am just at a loss at how to deal with this. I have thought about approaching the parents about it, but I am not compeltely sure as to how to go about it. 

Can I get a parent's perspective on firstly, how they would deal with the mentioned behaviour, and secondly, how they would expect their nanny to approach the situation?

Thank you!
Kathy_D
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Hi, I think (as a mother of 4 kids, eldest son is 8) you can try to talk to May when she is in a good mood and relaxed. You can sit with her and ask her to help you with this situation. This makes her feel important and probably, she would act like adult. You should look deeply into her eyes, then describe how upset and devastated you feel when she has her tantrums. Ask her what you, as her nanny, should do to minimise such situations. Then let her talk. Most girls are very emotional, let her lead the conversation. In her speech you may hear some clue, which will be an answer for you. 
You already know it, but I write it however Smile  - you should show her understanding, love and grown-up behaviour. When she acts bad, look at her as you would look at the sick kid.
Every misunderstanding should be talked about when the dust settled. After every tantrum, may be after hour or two, you should talk to her (do not be afraid, it should be done) and show her your point, she should see the situation with your eyes and you should try to do the same. You should talk from heart, describe your feelings about sweaty legs without socks, about extra sugar before dinner and so on. 
About her envy for friend's new things: let it for month or two. Do the talking thing.
 Later, after she becomes sane again, cuddle her and compassionately ask "I see, it was hard for you, my darling? When I was at your age, I was upset too when somebody have cool things, I want them so much!" Then let her talk, just listen. She may say bad things, you should not argue with her. This bad feelings should be set free. After she's done, look at her with love (remember! sick, ill kid! Wink and say, I love you, you are great kid, all will be fine. It would puzzle her. 
Now about her pressing requests: if she do so, try to humour her: imitate her whining, smile, then cuddle and tickle her - it may switch her attention. Then put your idea about the next activity - do something together: read her favourite book, listen to music, may be she can help you with some routine.



SilverDaisy
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rubymorris - 8 December 2016 11:03 PM
Hi parents! 
First, I just want to make it clear that I am a nanny and not a parent, I just wanted to get some parents advice on what to do!
I've been working for this family for almost a year and they are absolutely wonderful in every way, I adore them! However, I have some concerns about their 8 year-old daughter. It wasn't always so bad but lately, has begun to take a toll on my stress levels.
Basically, the parents are very busy people with highly demanding careers which leaves little time to spend with their children, they really only get to hang out with their parents on the weekends.
The problem with the 8 year-old, let's call her "May", is that she never hears the word "no" and cannot stand when she doesn't get her way. Just yesterday, she had a tantrum and would not speak to me or her friend for 30 minutes simply because I told her she had to wear socks with her sneakers. Then, later in the day she had a mini break down because she was losing in a game which required the players to "kill off" the other players, and proclaimed "every one hates me, why does every one keep targeting me?" I explained that this was the aim of the game and part of it was to fight back so as not to die, she then ran off yelling and crying. When May gets to that point there is simply nothing you can say or do which will change her state of mind, she just has to cry it out.

Another example of her behaviour is when a friend is telling her about something new they got on the weekend, and she will run to her room and proclaim that she never wants to speak to that friend ever again (May is not, by any means, deprived of any luxuries or new toys/items). She just can't seem to stand it when someone has something that she doesn't have. 

Further, May doesn't hear the word "no", you can tell her no one hundred times and she will persist with demands until she either gets her way or I have to put my foot down on the back talking, at which point she will run to her room in tears because she can't have a chocolate before dinner, instead of after.

I really do adore May, she is a very thoughtful and sweet child, it is just when she gets into this state of "my way or the highway", I find it very difficult to deal with and I am actually not sure if her parents are fully aware of this behaviour. I understand that she misses her parents and doesn't get to see them all the time, and I always do my best to comfort her in times of sadness when she misses them, but there are times when she uses it as an excuse to try and get out of things like doing her homework, having a bath etc. 
I am just at a loss at how to deal with this. I have thought about approaching the parents about it, but I am not compeltely sure as to how to go about it. 

Can I get a parent's perspective on firstly, how they would deal with the mentioned behaviour, and secondly, how they would expect their nanny to approach the situation?

Thank you!

Hi, I suggest looking at 1-2-3 Magic. It sounds like she needs to learn boundaries and self control. She can't get her own way all the time. By the age of 8 she needs to be aware of that and learn how to cope with disappointment or frustration.  
skatergirl08
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SilverDaisy - 27/12/2016
rubymorris - 8 December 2016 11:03 PM
Hi parents! 
First, I just want to make it clear that I am a nanny and not a parent, I just wanted to get some parents advice on what to do!
I've been working for this family for almost a year and they are absolutely wonderful in every way, I adore them! However, I have some concerns about their 8 year-old daughter. It wasn't always so bad but lately, has begun to take a toll on my stress levels.
Basically, the parents are very busy people with highly demanding careers which leaves little time to spend with their children, they really only get to hang out with their parents on the weekends.
The problem with the 8 year-old, let's call her "May", is that she never hears the word "no" and cannot stand when she doesn't get her way. Just yesterday, she had a tantrum and would not speak to me or her friend for 30 minutes simply because I told her she had to wear socks with her sneakers. Then, later in the day she had a mini break down because she was losing in a game which required the players to "kill off" the other players, and proclaimed "every one hates me, why does every one keep targeting me?" I explained that this was the aim of the game and part of it was to fight back so as not to die, she then ran off yelling and crying. When May gets to that point there is simply nothing you can say or do which will change her state of mind, she just has to cry it out.

Another example of her behaviour is when a friend is telling her about something new they got on the weekend, and she will run to her room and proclaim that she never wants to speak to that friend ever again (May is not, by any means, deprived of any luxuries or new toys/items). She just can't seem to stand it when someone has something that she doesn't have. 

Further, May doesn't hear the word "no", you can tell her no one hundred times and she will persist with demands until she either gets her way or I have to put my foot down on the back talking, at which point she will run to her room in tears because she can't have a chocolate before dinner, instead of after.

I really do adore May, she is a very thoughtful and sweet child, it is just when she gets into this state of "my way or the highway", I find it very difficult to deal with and I am actually not sure if her parents are fully aware of this behaviour. I understand that she misses her parents and doesn't get to see them all the time, and I always do my best to comfort her in times of sadness when she misses them, but there are times when she uses it as an excuse to try and get out of things like doing her homework, having a bath etc. 
I am just at a loss at how to deal with this. I have thought about approaching the parents about it, but I am not compeltely sure as to how to go about it. 

Can I get a parent's perspective on firstly, how they would deal with the mentioned behaviour, and secondly, how they would expect their nanny to approach the situation?

Thank you!

Hi, I suggest looking at 1-2-3 Magic. It sounds like she needs to learn boundaries and self control. She can't get her own way all the time. By the age of 8 she needs to be aware of that and learn how to cope with disappointment or frustration.  

Hi SilverDaisy,
Fantastic reply back ! Thank you ! 
I agree with you , the child needs to learn boundaries and i think the Parents of the Child should be made 
aware of how the behaviour is towards this caring Nanny of hers. I think it time for a Parent and Nanny Chat !
Kind Regards Skatergirl08

 MOTHERS VOICES ARE THE BEST TOOLS 
 TOWARDS CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ,
HAPPY AUTISTIC  CHILDREN GROWN INTO CONFIDENT ADULTS 

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