Help Needed - How do you teach resilience - 10 year old Girl not coping


Help Needed - How do you teach resilience - 10 year old Girl not...

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melski09
melski09
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I  am hoping that you will be able to help me or point me in the right direction. My daughter is heading into grade 5 next year, she is 10 years old, and such a sensitive soul. I am looking for a program suited to her age group where we can learn together the tools to create resilience and strength to get through to the teenage years and beyond.

At the moment she has a pretty strong group of friends who are at the stage where they are all trying to work out where they fit, She is not coping so well when her friends either have a different opinion to her, or don’t want to play/hang out with her. Lately she has said that a couple of her friends are nudging her, or bumping into her on purpose, completely ignoring her, making her feel invisible and worthless (she has been using those words and it scares the crap out of me). I actually have no idea how to help her, or what to say to her, other than mantras of strength and worthiness and obviously tell her how amazing she is and how much we love her.

Any guidance or advice that will enable me to make her feel empowered would be very much appreciated.

We are in Darwin, and I can't seem to find anything aimed at this age group.

- Hugs
Mel
Gettingonabit
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Hello Mel, I'm a grandmother from NSW and hope this reply in early Feb may still be of some assistance to your December question. Trying to be as concise as possible - I feel for you and your little girl and this bullying issue. Couple of suggestions - firstly if your daughter has one close friend or cousin or family friend, try to assist her to build on that relationship by having a sleepover, or invite them on a special day out, eg to give her a fall back position which will help her to identify heraelf with people her age who like and enjoy her. Secondly, set up new habits or begin to more closely monitor any IT eg Facebook or mobile phones. Thirdly have a talk to a favourite teacher or school counsellor and alert to the problem and ask for feedback on this issue. Next, if you have extended family nearby make a regular visits for some happy family time or travel on holiday to reconnect, to help with your daughter's identity within the extension of a loving family. Next see it you can help her to find a new team sport which is great for creating new friends and feeling strong about your identity. And lastly, as she seems willing to discuss with you, which is just great, make a habit of discussing regularly, finding ways to find the best thing about each day, and strategies for dealing with and realities about the people who are not nice. Also extrapolate her strengths and ambitions so that she pictures herself into the future with her goals and evolving identity intact.
Best wishes and well done so far.. It's certainly a constant job being a conscientious parent.
melski09
melski09
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Gettingonabit - 18/02/2017
Hello Mel, I'm a grandmother from NSW and hope this reply in early Feb may still be of some assistance to your December question. Trying to be as concise as possible - I feel for you and your little girl and this bullying issue. Couple of suggestions - firstly if your daughter has one close friend or cousin or family friend, try to assist her to build on that relationship by having a sleepover, or invite them on a special day out, eg to give her a fall back position which will help her to identify heraelf with people her age who like and enjoy her. Secondly, set up new habits or begin to more closely monitor any IT eg Facebook or mobile phones. Thirdly have a talk to a favourite teacher or school counsellor and alert to the problem and ask for feedback on this issue. Next, if you have extended family nearby make a regular visits for some happy family time or travel on holiday to reconnect, to help with your daughter's identity within the extension of a loving family. Next see it you can help her to find a new team sport which is great for creating new friends and feeling strong about your identity. And lastly, as she seems willing to discuss with you, which is just great, make a habit of discussing regularly, finding ways to find the best thing about each day, and strategies for dealing with and realities about the people who are not nice. Also extrapolate her strengths and ambitions so that she pictures herself into the future with her goals and evolving identity intact. Best wishes and well done so far.. It's certainly a constant job being a conscientious parent.

Thank you Thank you Thank you.... that is great advice and ideas xxx


tnoosa
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melski09 - 06/12/2016
I  am hoping that you will be able to help me or point me in the right direction. My daughter is heading into grade 5 next year, she is 10 years old, and such a sensitive soul. I am looking for a program suited to her age group where we can learn together the tools to create resilience and strength to get through to the teenage years and beyond.

At the moment she has a pretty strong group of friends who are at the stage where they are all trying to work out where they fit, She is not coping so well when her friends either have a different opinion to her, or don’t want to play/hang out with her. Lately she has said that a couple of her friends are nudging her, or bumping into her on purpose, completely ignoring her, making her feel invisible and worthless (she has been using those words and it scares the crap out of me). I actually have no idea how to help her, or what to say to her, other than mantras of strength and worthiness and obviously tell her how amazing she is and how much we love her.

Any guidance or advice that will enable me to make her feel empowered would be very much appreciated.

We are in Darwin, and I can't seem to find anything aimed at this age group.

- Hugs
Mel

Hi Mel, hugs to you and your daughter,  I remember those times when my daughter was a tween& teen 😐 my girl appeared all confident and outgoing & went through some really rough patches! I agree with the advice from Getonit, for my daughter starting competition cheerleading in year 10 was her thing that really got her through the toughest times at high school with friend issue & other stress. I believe her being part of a team (and until then she was never one for team sports, always did sports but individual sport except for quick hockey stint), making very close friends & having strong young supportive female role models in her coaches have been amazing!  I have seen her blossom since, kept her& her cheer friends out of a lot of trouble& balanced, focused & working hard. She still competes now, just has to reduce the time due to uni& work. Have seen the younger daughter of friends in another cheer club go from a very quiet shy girl to a confident, sassy little performer 😊 maybe just on stage but it s wonderful to see! Doesn't have to be cheerleading, can be trying different activities til she finds some she loves doing & is passionate about. Once her ability grows, her confidence hopefully will follow . 
GO


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