Teenagers having sex


Teenagers having sex

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mumofmany
mumofmany
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Hi there I have a question relating to my 14 yr old daughter and her boyfriend. So they have known eachother since they were 3 and have been a couple since they were 12. They have been having sex for at least a year that I know of. They have sex in my house when I am home and when I am not home. I dont know if they have sex at his house or other places. I was just wondering are they too young to have sex and should I be putting a stop to it or is it perfectly normal?



thanks, Jess
KYip
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Well... I'm pretty sure the age of consent is still 16, so there could be a legal issue there--although they are both minors, so that would be taken into consideration, but I don't think the law would rate it as "normal".



Apart from that, I would say, how would you feel if they got married? I'm guessing you wouldn't feel like they were ready to combine bank accounts, incomes, get ready to raise kids etc, but think about why not? If they're not ready to be united in those ways, why would they be ready to be united physically? I mean, a person is a whole person, and when you look up the physiology and psychology of how sex works, it really tends to glue people together, especially over time. But if they are not united in the other aspects of their lives, aren't they kind of setting themselves up for heartache? Isn't kind of like supergluing two things together that are likely to be pulled apart later? I mean, sounds like they have known each other for a while (!) so you might say it's a pretty stable relationship, but it's still going to be hard for them to be simultaneously together (sexually) and not together (the rest of life) for however many years until they do (maybe) get married. Or if they break up, having been physically intimate is going to make that even more painful.



Sex before marriage was basically accepted in my home growing up, but as I've thought about it (and seen it play out), it doesn't make sense to me that two people can be as physically intimate as it's possible to be, but relatively distant or uncommitted in other ways. Although we're not *just* bodies, our bodies are a huge part of who we are--to want to be close to someone's body, but not make a whole of life commitment to the whole person is kind of like...using the other person.



I'm not saying your daughter and her boyfriend are aiming to use each other, but... they are pretty young. Too young for marriage, right? So they can't really make a whole of life commitment at this stage. So I think either way, it's gonna get messy later. Even if they don't get pregnant (and no contraceptive is 100%).



What do you think?
Voltaire
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The English world's greatest romantic couple were young. Juliet is 13 and we don't know precisely how old Romeo likely a few years older than Juliet. They did, of course, marry (in secret) and it all ended in tragedy, as they were fighting their families and society.



Seems young but they just need an understanding of the risks of pregnancy. If you're open with them on that and help them with precautions I don't see it a major problem. Particularly where they are close in age.
KYip
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Sorry, Voltaire, I don't mean to be down on young people. In fact, I'm taking your point seriously enough to respond. Smile



I actually don't think that Romeo and Juliet is the best argument for young, unmarried sex. After thinking about it, I actually don't find Romeo that romantic. Do you remember that at the beginning of the play he's actually in love with someone completely different to Juliet? That means that he goes from being madly in love with one girl, then meets Juliet and falls madly in love with her, then marries her, then kills himself because he can't live without her. All in a few days! It might make a fun play, but I wouldn't want my daughter to get involved with someone like that in real life--he sounds very emotionally unstable, and not a safe person to get involved with. And in the original post we are talking about a real couple, real people, not characters in a play.



Condoms etc might protect you from pregnancy and STDs, but they can't protect you from heartache--actually, it's a responsible, community supported, whole of life commitment that does the best job of heartache prevention. i.e. marriage. It's kind of like bungee jumping--you definitely want the "strings attached"!



But I definitely agree that an open, non-judgemental conversation would be really helpful, essential even. Actually, you probably can't just nail it in one conversation, you probably need lots of little conversations--be brave, persistent and gentle, mumofmany, it sounds like a tough one! I'll be praying for you Smile
Lindy loo
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I hate to prove you wrong but as of last year the age of consent is not 16. Here is the website of legal services https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/find-legal-answers/sex-and-law/age-of-consent.
Under 12 they can't have sex. 12 to 15. The person must not be more then two years older and yes 16 they can have sex.
I'm not going to right a whole speech on why they should or should not but it's better you know then pretend not to know and provide condoms and sexual protection.
My own daughter has a thing called a rod inserted under her arm. So she can't get pregnant at least and with today's laws if you are to strict. They will run away and become street kids or worse end up having a teen pregnancy.
There are many out there how kid themselves there teenagers are not having sex. Yet they are and it's not safe sex either. Better they do it front if you. Then on the streets or worse.
You at least know where they are and are seeking help and information.
Itemfulds
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mumofmany - 28/03/2016
Hi there I have a question relating to my 14 yr old daughter and her boyfriend. So they have known eachother since they were 3 and have been a couple since they were 12. They have been having sex for at least a year that I know of. They have sex in my house when I am home and when I am not home. I dont know if they have sex at his house or other places. I was just wondering are they too young to have sex and should I be putting a stop to it or is it perfectly normal?

thanks, Jess

It is hard stop when they already started, as a mother you need to remind your daughter the possibilities of being a teen mother. Bring also your daughter in a Counselor to be more aware of what they are doing. I guess you have to set rules in your house. I hope I might help in small ways.

GO


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