14y/o daughter self harming and making poor friend choices


14y/o daughter self harming and making poor friend choices

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Tasmum76
Tasmum76
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My daughter has gone from loving school to hating it, she has made friends with a group of girls that hate school, constantly get suspended, a couple of the girls even have police records, my daughter has been taken in by this group, being the type of child that has always struggled to make friends she has loved having lots of friends.

But today she has been suspended for the second time, her friends think it fantastic and that its all a joke.

I don't want to tell her to stop being around these friends, I just remind her to make choices that are true to what she wants, and make safe choices, it's getting me no where, today when I collected her from school after being suspended I noticed cuts up her arm, she said that she did it because she thought we would move her schools and she wouldn't see her best friends again, she also had told me she has done it about 12 months ago, before she had these friends and was struggling to make friends. I have made an appointment for her to see the student guidance counsellor tomorrow but she is adamant she will not go. I'm heart broken I cannot reach out to my child. Any advice on any of the above would be very welcomed please.
Tweens2teen
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Wow Tasmum76 you have so much going on, I can imagine how distressing this is. When one of my kids was needing help but refusing it I gave them a couple of options to choose between, like seeing a counsellor at school, our family doctor or a private counsellor. I'm not sure if that could work.



The need to belong is so powerful at this age, so I think you're right not to try and pull her away from these friends because that will make her only cling harder and push further away from you. If only our kids didn't feel the need to learn about life the hard way! My only other suggestion is to keep reminding her of her dreams and explain that you're there to support her to reach them. That can sometimes help kids realise they're in with a bad bunch without you having to tell them that.
Lindy loo
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Yasmin. Ask for help from your local GP. Get a mental health care plan. Ask for a referral to headspace or a local Psychologist. Ours is at our doctors. A place called no dramas for teens.
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Tasmum76 - 22/03/2016
My daughter has gone from loving school to hating it, she has made friends with a group of girls that hate school, constantly get suspended, a couple of the girls even have police records, my daughter has been taken in by this group, being the type of child that has always struggled to make friends she has loved having lots of friends.
But today she has been suspended for the second time, her friends think it fantastic and that its all a joke.
I don't want to tell her to stop being around these friends, I just remind her to make choices that are true to what she wants, and make safe choices, it's getting me no where, today when I collected her from school after being suspended I noticed cuts up her arm, she said that she did it because she thought we would move her schools and she wouldn't see her best friends again, she also had told me she has done it about 12 months ago, before she had these friends and was struggling to make friends. I have made an appointment for her to see the student guidance counsellor tomorrow but she is adamant she will not go. I'm heart broken I cannot reach out to my child. Any advice on any of the above would be very welcomed please.

Make more time with your daughter, a good conversation with parents could help them getting away with the bad thoughts and they are most likely open in their problems. Never forget to remind her a bright future ahead when you get a good school record and get a diploma. It always helps to get a decent job and a better living.

Stu Schaefer
Stu Schaefer
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This is so hard... when I was 13, I found the wrong friends too... and I got arrested.  I also developed an eating disorder.

I cut off my friends completely, and it was the hardest year of my life.  I did feel like an outsider and had low self-esteem.

I honestly think God helped me (and I'm not a religious person)... I just can't think of any other explanation.

THE ONE THING THAT HELPED ME WAS A TEACHER THAT BECAME A MENTOR... he was someone I could talk to other than my parents, and he got me through my tough time... we're still friends today.

Your daughter needs new friends and/or a mentor... but how you go about that is the tough part.  I agree with the posts that you can't just strip her friends away.

Consider joining a church with a youth group, getting involved in some sort of clubs with kids... any type of group that has good and productive kids that your daughter can become friends with or potentially meet a mentor... maybe an athlete or someone she thinks is cool and can bond with.

Don't feel bad about yourself... My parents were the best parents, but I just got caught up with the wrong crowd... it can happen to anyone.

Stu Schaefer
VP - PrepareMyKid.com
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