13-year-old girl wants to go to city to meet friends


13-year-old girl wants to go to city to meet friends

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NoobyDooby
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I am seeking some feedback please.

My 13-year-old daughter has been invited to a birthday lunch at a Sydney CBD restaurant by a school friend. I've discovered there will be no adults in attendance as the girl does not want her mother to go because she wants her independence. I don't think it's appropriate for a 13-year-old girl (or boy) to make their way into the city by themselves, meet their friends, go to a restaurant and then make their way home. Aside from anything else, I don't think they'll be taken seriously by the restaurant staff! As a result, my husband and I have told our daughter she can't attend. Dropping her off and picking her up is not an option for us as we had an existing commitment.

I have no hesitation in encouraging a child's independence, however, I think an activity/outing has to be age-appropriate, because otherwise it's potentially dangerous.

The girl's mother has suggested I am being unreasonable (she is very young, whereas I am an older parent). What do you think? Is it too risky for 13-year-old to make her way into the city and then home again by herself (she has never done this before)? What do you think about a group of 13-year-old girls going to a restaurant by themselves?
Voltaire
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From my personal experience, in the early 1980s, around 13 is the age from which I started to go in to the city (by train) and other places alone, many times but not always with friends. I remember going to the cinemas / shops with friends etc. It's usually the age you start to go to high school and want that degree of independence. In fact, I remember my first big 'independence' fight with my Mother at 12. So I don't think it's uncommon or unexpected. I'm a male. There may be particular concerns with respect to young girls going out alone (better they are in groups and not at night), but as the tragic Daniel Morcombe case and many cases I recall from Adelaide in the 1980s, not an exclusive girl risk. But you can't live your life (or their life) based on risk. I don't believe those risks have increased to any degree since my youth. In fact, mobile phones makes contact much easier.
Lindy loo
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My own daughter started this at 14 and also started to get herself in trouble. I told her if she obsonded she I would call the police and she would be dragged home. She did and she was and then she was grounded. As child protection services get involved and I told her if she kept doing it. They would take her out of my care and put her in care it a foster home. She hasn't tried it since.
This doesn't work for everyone and if you are still having issues as you GP for a referral to family counselling ASAP. A mental care plan to be set up also. For your peace of mind as well as hers.
mumstella
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It's normal that your kid wants to be independent. It's a good thing that she thinks about being responsible for her own good. Although, I also think that she still needs your guidance no matter what. Ask her if she already knows where to go...or what to do if something suspicious comes up. Help her understand and learn some safety measures. For now, I think it's best if you or someone older accompany her and when she already knows how to go there, she can try it by herself next time.  
Itemfulds
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NoobyDooby - 01/03/2016
I am seeking some feedback please.
My 13-year-old daughter has been invited to a birthday lunch at a Sydney CBD restaurant by a school friend. I've discovered there will be no adults in attendance as the girl does not want her mother to go because she wants her independence. I don't think it's appropriate for a 13-year-old girl (or boy) to make their way into the city by themselves, meet their friends, go to a restaurant and then make their way home. Aside from anything else, I don't think they'll be taken seriously by the restaurant staff! As a result, my husband and I have told our daughter she can't attend. Dropping her off and picking her up is not an option for us as we had an existing commitment.
I have no hesitation in encouraging a child's independence, however, I think an activity/outing has to be age-appropriate, because otherwise it's potentially dangerous.
The girl's mother has suggested I am being unreasonable (she is very young, whereas I am an older parent). What do you think? Is it too risky for 13-year-old to make her way into the city and then home again by herself (she has never done this before)? What do you think about a group of 13-year-old girls going to a restaurant by themselves?

Do not overthink. Kids need independence, show your daughter that you trust her and in return she is more open in some issues of her life. Just remind her that still she has limitations and always guided by parents.

GO


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