Grown child still living at home


Grown child still living at home

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paranormal
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He is 25. Our only child (his siblings passed in an accident 10 years ago).

He still lives at home.

Does not study - have moved from uni to uni to tafe to uni and now back to tafe.

Part time work - couple of days per week only.

Does not help in the house unless we spell it out, and then usually complains than does what we ask.

He spends his days playing computer games.



He has a nice bunch of friends, all with finished education, working, dating, travelling, going out, ...



He rarely goes out - he recons he doesnt feel comfortable in big crowds. He regularly gets invited to all sorts of outings but rarely goes. He is very well received by his friends and people he works with... they openly come out and tell him they are there for him if he needs ANY support.



When we start talking about his life and the fact that he is pretty much wasting it away, he starts being cute and hugs us or yells or just goes to his room.



He is an intelligent person. Used to read a lot but not any more. Gaming now occupys majority of his life.



He had an opportunity for a full time job where he works but he rejected it because he cannot see himself working in an office for the rest of his life. It's holiday time now and lots of jobs in retail - he refused to apply because he doesnt like working in retail.



If I dont cook, h'll eat chips/chocolate/pizza... and then not go to work because he feels sick.





I am at my wits end and dont know how to help him get on his iwn two feet. Any advice is appreciated.
skatergirl08
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Hi There, 
i was reading your post from a while ago !. Just wondering did your son finally get his life together?
When i was reading it i thought to myself "what would i do ?' if my Son was going through a stage where he just 
wanted to stay at home with us parents and play games. 
It sounds like he must have been depressed , not motivated to try something different, only what he can get away with.
I am a big believer of Balance when it comes to devices e.g. I Phones, Computers ,games on line and the list goes on.
I have found that a lot of Parents today are having trouble laying down limits on how much digital media we allow our 
children to play with. Your Son was back then 25 years old ? am i right Wow even harder to control. You can't even 
lay down rules ...how did you go ? Hope it all worked out in the end Smile
Kind Regards Skatergirl08 Smile

 MOTHERS VOICES ARE THE BEST TOOLS 
 TOWARDS CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ,
HAPPY AUTISTIC  CHILDREN GROWN INTO CONFIDENT ADULTS 

polpak
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Agree with skatergirl08. 

See also  http://www.raisingchildren.net.au/forum/Topic79969.aspx

BTW while excessive time online gaming or just using computers may be regarded as an addiction,  such diagnosis to be accurate requires a lot more than just seeing them liking or being online more.

While many different types of games, the are much better ones which actually require more and more thinking, much more consideration for decision making to really enjoy.

When people spend a lot of time online, need identify what they are doing, why makes them feel better, and whether can identify benefits from them.

Some of us actually work online to obtain financial benefits : -)
.

Edited
14/12/2017 by polpak
skatergirl08
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polpak - 14/12/2017
Agree with skatergirl08. 

See also  http://www.raisingchildren.net.au/forum/Topic79969.aspx

BTW while excessive time online gaming or just using computers may be regarded as an addiction,  such diagnosis to be accurate requires a lot more than just seeing them liking or being online more.

While many different types of games, the are much better ones which actually require more and more thinking, much more consideration for decision making to really enjoy.

When people spend a lot of time online, need identify what they are doing, why makes them feel better, and whether can identify benefits from them.

Some of us actually work online to obtain financial benefits : -)
.

Hi polpak , yes i understand !! 
Some people work online to earn an income....Balance is the key .....
When not online doing work ,one needs to get out side , breathe fresh air , sun and enjoy life....
I am a big believer of balance ....workload ...Free time (family if you have one) getting out into the Community 
seeing ,meeting ,sharing what is out there to see. you would have lots to see where you are ! lots of walking trails 
Nature ,blue sky ,just peace and quite time ! enjoy , try Yoga in between work on line ,will make a difference !!
Kind Regards Skatergirl08

 MOTHERS VOICES ARE THE BEST TOOLS 
 TOWARDS CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ,
HAPPY AUTISTIC  CHILDREN GROWN INTO CONFIDENT ADULTS 

Mason
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I've been reluctant to post in this thread cos it hits too close to home for me.

I lost two of my brothers when we were 11, after they died I always felt like two thirds of me is no longer here, it's like someone chopped my right arm and left leg off, even now there isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel pain over their loss, for the longest time I existed but I didn't really live I was numb, the only thing that has truly brought me out to make me live again is my son I love him more than anything, though I still feel my brothers loss every day.

I think his reluctance to live has something to do with his siblings death, especially if he was close with them, extra specially if he was there at the time of their death - I was not. With my experiences with Psychiatrists and Psychologists in the past 2 years I'd suggest he could benefit from their treatment. It's not a feeling you ever stop feeling but I think it can be put in the right place.
Honestly if it wasn't for my son I would probably be doing the same as him right now, I think it's just a strategy to hide away from the world, before I found out my ex was pregnant my teachers also my parents wondered if I would pass grade 12, well I not only past but I got and OP 4.

Can I suggest you don't force anything on him no matter how much you think it might help, one of the mistakes my parents made when my brothers die was forcing me to talk to counsellors and all that when I wasn't ready, plant a seed during a conversation with him and see if anything comes of it.


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