Raising Children Network: the Australian parenting website
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Family routines

By Raising Children Network
 
 

Whether you are a relaxed, easygoing type of parent who likes to keep things flexible and spontaneous, or love to be super-organised and stick to a pretty tight schedule, some routine is good for all children and families. A good routine caters for the needs of family members and fits well with other priorities.

Boy and girl writing on a chalk board

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Even though you might sound like a broken record, when you stick to a routine and repeat requests consistently, you’re helping your child develop useful habits that mean boring tasks like teethbrushing start to become automatic.

 

Routines are how families organise themselves to get things done, spend time together and have fun. Every family has its own unique routines. Routines help family members know who should do what, when, in what order and how often. For example, your family might have:

  • daily routines for getting ready in the morning, bath time, bedtime and mealtimes, greetings and goodbyes
  • weekly routines for housework like washing and cleaning
  • yearly routines involving holidays and extended family get togethers.

It makes sense that family life could be chaotic without some routine. But research has shown that there is more to it than that. Routines let your children know what is important to your family. When they are highly meaningful, routines are sometimes referred to as rituals and these play an important role in strengthening shared beliefs and values, and building a sense of belonging and cohesion in families.

Maintaining normal daily routines as much as possible can make it easier for children to deal with the stress of events such as the birth of a new child, divorce, or the illness or death of a family member.

Why routines are good for children

  • An organised and predictable home environment helps children feel safe and secure.
  • Routines built around fun, play or time together strengthen relationships between parents and children. Reading a story before bed, for example, can become a special time you spend with your child.
  • Daily routines help set our body clocks – for example, bedtime routines help children’s bodies to ‘know’ when it’s time to sleep.
  • Routines are a way of teaching your child ways to stay healthy, like brushing teeth, exercising, or washing hands after using the toilet.
  • If your child needs to take medicine regularly, having a routine for this will make sure you and your child are less likely to forget.
Research has shown that routines have health benefits: children living in families who maintain regular family routines have fewer respiratory infections, and those they have tend to be shorter. There is still some conjecture about why. It might be that the routines contribute to healthy habits like washing hands which prevent transmission of germs that can cause illness, or that they help protect children against the kind of stress that suppress the immune system.

Why routines are good for parents

  • Regular and consistent routines help parents feel like they’re doing a good job of being parents.
  • When things are busy and hectic, routines can help you feel more organised and more in control, which will make you feel less stressed.
  • A routine will help you complete routine daily tasks efficiently.
  • Routines take effort to maintain, but once established they will let you do things on ‘auto pilot’ so you can think about other things while you work.

As children get better at following a routine by themselves, you can give fewer instructions and nag less because each step of the routine prompts the next step. 

Some children need routine more than others.
A child’s temperament plays an important role in how he responds to routine or the lack of it. Some easygoing children can go with the flow, and quickly adapt to a changing environment. Other children are more sensitive, and more easily upset and unsettled by changes to their daily patterns. The same can be said for parents.

What kinds of routines are there?

The routines adopted by families are as diverse as families themselves. Following are some routines you could consider. 

AreaYou could have a routine for:
Daily living
  • Getting ready in the morning
  • Going to bed at night
  • Eating meals
  • Hygiene and health – for example, brushing teeth, washing hands
  • Using family resources like the computer and telephone
  • Pocket money, given at a regular time and day
  • Homework
  • Quiet time each evening
  • Hobbies
  • Sports/exercise
Household responsibilities
  • Tidying up, looking after toys
  • Caring for pets
  • Looking after clothes and laundry
  • Chores – for example, setting the dinner table, packing away, unpacking the dishwasher
  • Shopping
Interacting and fun
  • Greetings and goodbyes
  • Eating meals together
  • Regular play and talk times with a parent each day
  • Taking turns in talking with family members about their day
  • Special one-on-one time with a parent
  • Special weekly meals (such as pancakes on Sunday night or cooked breakfast Saturday morning)
  • Family days (family activity)
  • Family DVD nights
  • Family meetings
  • Annual events
  • Story time (book reading)
Social, religious and cultural
  • Regular ‘play dates’
  • Regular contact with your extended family and friends
  • National/state/local celebration days, annual fetes or outings
  • Saying prayers
  • Observing religious events

There is no rule about how many or what kind of routines you should have. What works well for one family may be too restrictive for another. But if you are feeling like you can’t find time in the day to do the things you want with your children, then some new routines might help.

Eight-year-old Stephen and younger brother Aaron started nagging their mother Leanne about using the computer from the moment they arrived home from school – then spent most of their time fighting over it. Leanne established a new routine to solve the problem. The computer could be turned on at 5 pm; Stephen would go first, and then help Aaron with his turn. A small oven timer was set by each boy for a 30-minute turn. The result – the boys took a lot more responsibility and there was a whole lot less tension at home. 

Try writing down what you do on a typical day:

  • Which things do you do regularly with your family? Look at each of these and ask yourself whether life would be easier and more enjoyable if it ran more smoothly.
  • Could children and other family members be involved more?
  • Are there activities you would like to do but aren’t doing? 
Routines for children with a disability
Routines can really help children with disabilities, and can be even more important for children who find it hard to understand or cope with change.
 
 
 
  • Last reviewed18-10-2007
  • References

    Boyce W.T., Jensen, E.W., Cassel, J.C., Collier, A.M., Smith, A.H., & Ramey, C.T. (1977). Influence of life events and family routines on childhood respiratory tract illness. Pediatrics, 60, 609-15.

    Brody, G.H., & Flor, D.L. (1997). Maternal psychological functioning, family processes, and child adjustment in rural, single-parent, African American families. Developmental Psychology, 33, 1000-1011.

    Churchill, S.L. & Stoneman, Z. (2004). Correlates of family routines in Head Start families. Early Childhood Practice & Research, 6(1). Available at http://ecrp.uiuc.edu/v6n1. Accessed 24 September 2007.

    Denham, S.A. (2003) Relationships between family rituals, family routines, and health. Journal of Family Nursing, 9(3), 305-330.

    Fiese, B.H. Tomcho, T.J., Douglas, M., Josephs, K. Poltrock S., & Baker, T. (2002). A review of 50 years of research on naturally occurring family routines and rituals: Cause for celebration? Journal of Family Psychology, 16(4), 381–390.

    Fiese, B. H., Wamboldt, F.S., & Anbar, R.D. (2005) Family asthma management routines: Connections to medical adherence and quality of life. Journal of Pediatrics 146, 171-176.

    Howe, G.W. (2002). Integrating family routines and rituals with other family research paradigms: comment on the special section. Journal of Family Psychology, 16(4), 437–440.

    Jensen, E.W., James, S.A., Boyce, W.T. & Hartnett, S.A. (1983). The family routines inventory: Development and validation. Social Sciences Medicine, 17(4), 201-211.

    Kliewer, W., & Kung, E. (1998). Family moderators of the relation between hassles and behaviour problems in inner-city youth. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 27, 278-292.

    Markson S., Fiese B.H. (2000). Family rituals as a protective factor against anxiety for children with asthma. Journal Pediatric Psychology, 25, 471-479.

    Sprunger, L.W., Boyce, W.T., & Gaines, J.A. (1985). Family-infant congruence: Routines and rhythmicity in family adaptations to a young infant. Child Development, 56(3), 564-572.

    Sytsma, S.E.,  Kelley, M.L., & Wymer, J.H. (2001). Development and initial validation of the Child Routines Inventory. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment, 23(4), 241-251.

    Weisner, T., Matheson, C.l., Coots, J., & Bernheimer, L. (2005). Sustainability of daily routines as a family outcome. In A. Maynard & M. Martini (Eds), Learning in cultural context: Families, peers and school.New York: Kluwer Academic.

  • Acknowledgements

    Content funded by NSW Department of Ageing, Disability and Home Care